I have to admit that in my life this topic has been one that has been challenging for me. I was not one of those people that grew up having a handle on this, and I had to learn to work on doing a lot of self reflection, coaching, and training in order to be able to work with having my actions match what I said I wanted.
Please note that I have permission to share the following story. I was talking to a friend recently who lives in another country, and she shared with me what she has always shared: that she wants to find a good man, that she wants to find the love of her life, that she wants to have the relationship that she has always craved.
As her friend I want for her what she wants for herself. I want her to find a great man with whom she is going to live a happy life. Unfortunately if she continues to take the same actions, she will continue to get the same results that she has always gotten. She is currently online dating and she shared that she had met two guys with whom she connected with. One is significantly younger than her, and the other one is fairly older than her. So what is the problem?
The problem is that the younger guy clearly spoke to her about the things that he wants down the road, and it does not match what she can offer him due to the significant age difference. On the other hand the older man clearly told her that he loved her personality, but that they could only stay on a friend’s level because he only likes thin women.
In my friend’s words, she is “obsessed” with the older man and she is willing to give it a fight even if he clearly told her that he is not interested. Now when it comes to the younger guy she realizes that she cannot give him what he wants, but she wants to keep him around because he makes her feel good. For example he compliments her a lot, and she says that ever since she has been dating him she has felt better about herself as opposed to the older man who, with his preference for thin women, made her feel bad about herself.
Once again, what is the problem? The problem is that her actions do not match what she says she wants.
She says that she wants to find a man with whom to share the rest of her life with. Well she found a younger guy that although sounds like a total sweetheart, she recognizes that they are not meant for a long lasting relationship which is what she desires. The problem also is that the older gentleman clearly told her that he is not romantically interested in her. Yet she is willing to pursue him no matter what and she does not want to give up. How is doing this going to get her what she says she wants which is to find the love of her life?
So why would my friend who is a beautiful, lovely, and intelligent woman who would be a gift and a treasure to any man find herself taking actions contrary to what she says she wants? If she wants a mutual, loving, long lasting relationship why is it that she is connecting with men who clearly do not match what she says she wants?
It is because of the shadow. The shadow is that unconscious part of your psyche that is ruling your life. For example in the case of my friend, on a conscious level she may want to find love, but on an unconscious level, in her shadow, there is a stronger desire to not find it for reasons that most likely have to do with her personal history and upbringing.
Carl Jung explained it perfectly in one of his famous quotes: “Until You Make the Unconscious Conscious, it Will Direct Your Life and You will Call it Fate.” My friend does not know about the shadow, so she does not know that this is something that she is unconsciously creating. As a matter of fact she thinks that this is something that is happening to her, and she cannot understand why is it that she cannot have what she wants.
Another thing that she is doing is that she is looking for externals to make her feel better. For example she wants to keep the young man around because he makes her feel good. My friend does not recognize the value in herself and looks outside to determine her value.
Now I am using my friend as an example, but this is something that most likely has happened to you too at one time or another and in any area of your life. It may be something that continues to happen to you: your actions do not match what you say you want, and you end up feeling frustrated by the results you get.
So my questions to you are the following:
Let me answer that last question for you. Whether you know it or not your life is priceless, and without me even knowing you yet, I know that you are priceless too. You are a goddess that is hidden and you just need the guidance and support to realize this for yourself and begin to embody her in every cell of your Being.
I ask that you stop living unconsciously and stop letting your shadow rule your life. Instead begin to live consciously as Your Higher Self knowing who you truly are, and embodying your power so you can begin to live the happy life that you deserve.
Please feel free to reach out. I am here for you and would be happy to assist you. There is no reason for you to try to handle everything on your own. Apply today for a free consultation.