One of the things that I have struggled with the most in my adult life has been weight. I have been in a weight loss battle for way too long now, and I am calling it a weight loss battle because that is what it has been.
I would like to think that it was a weight loss journey, but I would be lying. Well I am going to be very honest and share that it was not until this current month, October 2016, that I can sincerely say that the battle is coming to an end.
I wish I could say that it is coming to an end because I finally reached my ideal weight and have my dream body, but no that is not the case. It is coming to an end because I made the decision that it needed to come to an end. It does not mean at all that I gave up on reaching my ideal weight, but it means that I am giving up what has not served me all these years.
So what has not served me is being obsessed with my weight, with my body, judging it as not being ideal, and being embarrassed for being fat. What has not served me is all the self judgments that I have carried in my mind for being overweight.
What has not served me is comparing myself to all the women on TV or magazines that appear to have perfect bodies, and not even an ounce of fat. On top of all they also seem to be cellulite free and stretch mark free. What has not served me is forcing myself to go on diets.
What has not served me is being too black or white; either all healthy or all junk and if I happened to eat rice when I am supposed to be all healthy then I have felt like I messed up, and ruined my plan to lose weight. I normally got discouraged, dropped everything, and then made a decision to restart again on Monday. If I had been given money for every Monday that I re-started I would be a millionaire.
Doing the above had a heaviness to it and a feeling of frustration for so far not having been able to accomplish my goal. I now realize that I have been kind of in a vicious circle that I was not able to get myself out. Not to say that there has not been improvement, but it is still not to the point where I can say that I feel free in this particular area.
What I started to realize last year, and this month is more clear than ever, is that I was coming from the wrong place. All this time I have focused on losing weight, and like I mentioned before coming from that brought with it a lot of “weight” and heaviness. It truly is like being in a battle that has taking a lot of my energy and has only left me exhausted.
The good thing is that as challenging as it has been I am someone who does not give up, and I can now happily say that I am committed to come from a different place. A place where I get to be kinder to my body and take very good care of it.
Therefore I am shifting my focus from that heavy and overwhelming energy of feeling like I have to lose weight, I cannot continue to be this heavy, why haven’t I lost weight, why can’t I lose weight, why is this so hard for me, etc.,… to the following:
1) I am going to befriend my body
2) I am going to think of my body as if it was my child
3) I am going to develop a better (healthy) relationship with my body and with food
4) I am going to stop being obsessed with the scale. As a matter of fact I locked the scale in a drawer that is in the garage, and I do not plan to weigh myself at all for the remainder of the year.
How can all of these help? Well if I think of befriending my body I can honestly say that as a friend I am supportive, caring, and compassionate to just name a few things. As a friend I am someone who is there for her friends, and who wants the best for them.
So how can I translate this as it relates to my body? I am now coming from a caring place, so if I try to eat right I am not doing it from the heavy energy of I have to do this because I am too overweight. I am coming from the energy of I love and care about this being (my body) how can I show it my love and care?
If I “mess up” I remind myself that I am not in a diet, that is okay to have a snack occasionally, and I go back to the thought of what can I do for you today my friend? What haven’t I expressed to you lately? Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you for being so kind to me?
If I treat my body as if it was my child then I get to come from a place where I am more mindful about treating my body with care and kindness.
What would I allowed my child to eat and not eat, at what time would I send my child to bed, would I listen to my child or ignore her, what words would I say to my child, would I criticize my child because of her body size or weight, or would I instead appreciate her and love her regardless of her body shape, would I sabotage her goals or instead help her to reach them by incorporating fun exercise and movement…..
How can coming from wanting to develop a better relationship with my body and food be more beneficial than coming from I have to lose weight? Well it simply allows me to come from a non aggressive place. It helps me to begin to see food in a more neutral way and not totally as good or bad.
Therefore it allows me to drop the judgment. Yes kale is considered healthy and cake not really, but I can remind myself that since I am building a better relationship with my body and food, I can drop the judgment when eating cake at a wedding, and simply enjoy it.
It does not mean that I am going to have cake on a weekly basis of course, but at least I can drop the judgment that I have on it. I can also remind myself that the body is “the temple where my soul resides,” and I need to take care of this temple.
After all if I don’t care for my body, it may end up having health consequences, and that will have an effect on other areas of my life. Without a healthy body it can become challenging to do the many other things that I came here to do.
Locking up the scale serves me to stop being so obsessed. For example I would start eating healthy, exercising, and if I did not see the numbers go down in the first week I would get discouraged, figured what the heck, why work hard to no avail, etc… and I ended up going to get quesadillas which although they are delicious they can sure be fattening.
Of course we all know that there could be deeper reasons for the weight, and that we all have to do deeper work in this area. Nonetheless if you embark on the same journey that I have just embarked on, and followed the shifts that I am making you can bet that you will be in a much better place as it relates to your body, weight, and overall health.
I am sharing the journey that I have embarked on because I know that by you changing where you are coming from, and coming from a different perspective it can be very beneficial to you too. The most important thing is that you are accepting and appreciative of your body.
If I think of my body I can become nostalgic for how good it has been to me. I have fed it junk food, I spent many years hardly drinking any water, and I have spent long hours of time without giving it anything (being too busy to eat). When I was in grad school in NY I only had time to feed it once a day (a croissant and coffee) because that is how busy I was.
I have not appreciated it, I have judged it, and there have been plenty of time where I have not giving it the amount of rest it needs. I have overworked it by all the hard work that I have done in previous jobs like being on my feet for 14 hours straight. I have failed to pay attention to it, or listen to it, and what has it done for me?
It has continued to function for me daily, it has continued to pump blood, it has continued to operate despite my negligence, it has continued to be there for me, it rarely has gotten sick, it has shown appreciation for whatever little thing I do for it, it has put up with me, and it has continued to be kind to me even if I have not been kind back.
I invite you to befriend your body, to make peace with it, and to see it as you would see your lovely and precious child. Above all remember that this is “the temple in which your soul resides.”
If you would love to learn how you too can begin to make shifts that involve attending to your body, mind, and spirit apply now for a Free Consultation. Just click the Free Consultation button and fill out the short form.