When I began my self development journey I identified myself as metaphysical and new age. You can only imagine the many books that I read related to these subjects, the countless workshops that I attended, and some of the trainings that I did. I was constantly reading, learning, and trying to improve myself, but looking back what I was really trying to do was fix myself.
Coming from a challenging childhood, and experiencing some of the things that I experienced, I felt that I was broken. Therefore if I was broken it meant three things:
1) That I was not good enough because being broken to me equal not being good enough.
2) That there was something wrong with me.
3) That I needed to heal myself so that I stopped being broken; and be like the rest of the people who were “perfect,” because they were not broken.
Therefore I spent years trying to heal and fix myself to no avail. I learned a lot, I was inspired, I made some improvement in some areas of my life, but somehow it still was not enough. I couldn’t understand why if I had worked on myself so much, why was it that I had not yet healed?
I was a positive person, I enjoyed the little things in life, I counted my blessings, I kept in mind what I learned in the numerous books that I read, I was a good human being, I was spiritual, so why was I still stuck? Why couldn’t I find the freedom that I craved so much and desired? Why didn’t my life make a 180 degree turn?
Are you ready for the answer? It might mess up with some of your beliefs and views? The reason why is because I wasn’t broken and there was nothing to fix or heal. Yes you heard me right despite all of the things that I went through as a child, and the challenges and difficulties that I experienced, there was nothing to fix or heal.
Therefore the problem relied in believing that there was something to fix or heal, and that is what kept me stuck for so long. I was coming from the perspective that I was not good enough because I was broken, and I actually had my childhood experiences and earlier life stories to prove it.
So it is not about denying what you may have been through, but is about recognizing that despite what you went through you are whole and complete because you are much more than your story.
You are what Jung called the Self and I like to call the Higher Self. You are already whole and complete. You have been whole and complete since the minute you were born, and you will be whole and complete until the minute you die and beyond.
There may be things that you need to transcend from your conditioning, from your past, from your childhood so that they do not continue to affect the quality of your life, but transcending and healing comes from two different perspectives. Healing comes from fixing while transcending comes from you making a conscious decision to know who you are, and to no longer be identified by your past story.
I am now a Jungian and I am also into Eastern Philosophy, and I have left the well intended beliefs of one having to fix and/or heal oneself.
In reality all we have to do is know who we are, and by knowing who we are we will be able to leave that which no longer serve us behind, to live in peace in the present, and to see challenges as opportunities for growth and as information that our mind is giving us to show us where we are at.
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