How to Understand Our Parents and Move Forward
The day has ended but it was still Father’s Day just a few hours ago. I no longer work with families but when I did I learned that there seemed to be very few parents that were conscious of the kind of parenting that they were providing to their kids. In the majority of the cases although the parents absolutely loved their children, a lot of times, it was them who hurt them the most at least emotionally.
I think that everyone would agree that our childhood and our upbringing can immensely affect us an impact our lives in one way or another. However the past is over, you are now an adult, and your life is in your hands. You can continue to live in the past blaming your parents for what they did or did not do, or you can make the decision to move forward.
You can open yourself to understand that whatever they did or did not do was because they did not know any better. Now this is not to justify their behavior, but in reality if they had known better they probably would have treated you differently.
Also recognize that if they treated you poorly they were not living consciously. The majority of the times people are having kids when they have not yet come to a place where they know who they truly are: that they are whole, complete, divine; that they are good enough, that they are here to share their gifts with the world, etc., …
The majority of people continue to carry the baggage from their childhood and even adult life. Rarely have they done the work on themselves to transcend their childhood issues and conditioning, and now they are not only in charge of themselves, but they are also in charge of taking care of another human being.
When people have not transcended their childhood conditioning and they continue to feel like crap, it is very hard for them to be able to effectively take care of another human being. How can they take care of someone else if they cannot even take care of themselves?
That being said I invite you to follow the following tips:
- Let go of your past. Understand that even if your parents best was not even close to good enough they did their best with whom they were at that time.
- Understand that they loved you even if they did not know how to express it or show it, and even if they treated you poorly which may seem like a paradox.
- Accept your parents as they are. Understand that we are all at different soul levels and in different journeys. We cannot judge someone else’s journey because we simply cannot know what their path is. You can love and accept them without necessarily agreeing with them or understanding them.
- Always take care of yourself first. That means that you make yourself a priority and set healthy boundaries. For example if your parent continues to want to treat you like the child that you were and you feel verbally or emotionally abuse, it is your duty to set healthy boundaries and to not allow this from continuing to happen.
- Decide to live in the present and use whatever you went through to propel you forward instead of using it to remain stuck in your story.
- As the Course of Miracles would say: “choose peace instead of this and be willing to see this differently.” I know our relationships with our parents can sometimes be challenging, but you have more power than you are aware of, and at any given moment you can always choose peace instead of the problem. It is like a muscle that the more you practice the more you build it.
- Know that they are your parents for a reason even if you do not know what that reason is. Now in my case I have the belief that our soul/spirit chooses our parents before we are born, and this puts back the power in me in knowing that I could have chosen different parents, but for whatever reason I didn’t. You don’t have to have my same belief but do open yourself up to know that there is no accident or coincidence as to why you have the parents you have.
- Know that you deserve to be happy, and that it is possible for you to live a magnificent life regardless of what you might have gone through, and that now that you are an adult the only person stopping you from having that life is you. I do not want to minimize what you might have gone through as a child, as my own childhood had some challenges as well, but if you continue to carry the baggage and to hold on to the story you are not going to get to “spread your wings and fly” like you are meant to do.
- Know that the most loving thing that you can do is to let go of your story, become conscious, and live as the divine being that you are.
I want to share that yesterday on father’s day I was inspire to focus only on the positive things that I love about my father, and I discovered that it is truly amazing how we can shift our perception and see our parent with different eyes.
Finally I want to end by saying that life is too short, we can spend it being miserable or happy, and you get to choose.
My wish for you is that you make peace with your parents in whichever way that may look for you, that you take very good care of yourself, and that you create happiness in your life.