• The One Thing You Need to Do if You Are Single

    psychology-1580252_960_720

     

    Are you a single woman?  If so how do you feel about being single?  How does your family and friends treat you?  Do you feel pressured by them to finally find the one, get married, and “live happily ever after?”  Do you feel that society stereotypes you for being single, or what is worst have you been labeled as an old maid simply because you are a certain age and single?

    We tend to think that times have really changed, but have they really, especially when it comes to being a single woman?  If you are a single woman I do not have to do research for you on this topic because there is no one better than you to answer these questions.

    I would love to hear that people are accepting of your marital status regardless of what it may be, but in my work with women, in my friendships, and in my own life, I have found that society still does not see with the best eyes a woman being single, and that the pressure to get married and/or have a man still exists to this day.

    It is as if you cannot be completely successful or happy unless you are in a relationship, especially one in which you are married.  I am sure there might be exceptions but please have in mind that I am speaking from the perspective of a Latina woman who lives in the United States.  Of course I do not believe this, but this is the stereotype that I have seen.

    Therefore my mission is to tell you that regardless of your relationship status: whether you are single and have never been married, or whether you are single because you are divorced, or you are single because you are separated, or you are single because you are not actively dating, or you are single because you are not in a relationship, or you are single because you have become a widow, or you are single because you are dating but since you are not married you still consider yourself single; whatever the reason may be please hear me out when I say the following: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

    Perhaps you are one of those women who have felt the pressure since your early twenties to get married before “you miss the boat.” Perhaps you are tired of being the only one single in your circle of friends or in your family, maybe you are tired of meeting frog after frog and not finding your prince, or maybe you are tired of having to attend all the events and gatherings by yourself.

    Perhaps you are happily single but you are tired of feeling the pressure from your family and/or society to get married.  Perhaps you are a certain age and feel that you should be married by now, or perhaps you can no longer bear with the label of being a single woman and you cannot wait to get married.  Perhaps you are like a friend of mine who is extremely popular, actively dating, but runs when anyone mentions the word marriage.

    Whatever your case may be let me repeat myself: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

    Let me also tell you that the grass is not always greener on the other side.  I used to have a friend that shared with me that her husband  had not kissed her in over 10 years, but since he was a great father, she chose to stay in the marriage regardless of how unhappy she was.  I had another friend who everyone thought was happily married, until she decided to get a divorce because she got tired of her husband cheating on her. It wasn’t until she made the determination to leave her husband that she lost tons of weight, and most importantly made her well being a priority.

    From this we can conclude that being married does not always equal being happy and being single does not have to equal being miserable.

    So you  might be asking yourself why is it that if there is nothing wrong with me, I feel as if there was?  Why do I feel as if there was something wrong with being single, and if being happy is not solely determined by your marital status why is it that I sometimes feel like a failure simply because I am not married?

    The simple answer is because you have believed the lies that society has impressed on single women.  Your loved ones might have also believed these lies, so now they are worried about you, and although they might mean well and think that whatever they are doing or saying to you is out of love, in reality they are coming from a fearful place. Perhaps they fear that you might stay alone, or fear that you might be miserable without a man, etc…

    The best way to be happy regardless of your marital status is to live consciously. How you go about doing this is by discovering what is in your unconscious mind, since what is in your unconscious mind is what rules your life, unless you make the unconscious conscious it will overrule your conscious mind.

    What this means is that on a conscious level you might have a desire to find the perfect mate for you and get married, but on an unconscious level  there might be a greater unconscious desire to remain single.

    You might drive yourself crazy thinking that there is something wrong with you, when there clearly is not and I cannot emphasize this enough, or you might think that perhaps is something that you are doing, etc. , but the reality is that there is something unconscious that is ruling your life and keeping you single. 

    Therefore whether you want to be happily single or happily married the way to go about doing that is by making the unconscious conscious so that you can live a conscious life, and make conscious decisions and choices; as opposed to allowing your unconscious mind to make those choices for you without you even knowing about it.

    When you begin to make the unconscious conscious and begin to live consciously, you will be in control of your life.  You will no longer have to be like my friend who runs every time someone mentions the word marriage; you will get to consciously choose to stay single if you so desire because that is what makes you happy, as opposed to staying single out of an unconscious fear.

    Perhaps you decide that you want to get married, but you will be coming from a conscious place of wanting to share your love with someone and growing together with that person, instead of coming from a fearful place of not wanting “to die alone” as you might have previously feared, wanting to cure your loneliness, wanting someone to make you happy, or simply wanting to satisfy society.

    It is time for you to take the reigns of your life.  If you want to learn about how you can begin to live consciously so that you can have the life you desire apply for a 30 minute free consultation.  Carl Jung said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

4 Responsesso far.

  1. Anna says:

    Although I am not single, I thought your post very powerful .

  2. Eileen Burns says:

    Hi Liliana
    Interesting perspective, I have lived single most of my life mainly for health reasons but luckily for me being single hasn’t made me feel any less or anymore. Obviously I would have preferred better health and quality of life but my singleness has given me the freedom to dedicate myself to my work without sacrificing someone else or my relationship 🙂

    • Liliana says:

      Hi Eileen,

      That is exactly the point to let women know that whether they are single or married there is nothing wrong with them; and that the key is to live CONSCIOUSLY by making the unconscious conscious. In that way we stop coming from our conditioning and from fear when deciding how we are going to live our lives.